My dad on making marital finances work for 38 years
Plus: Dealing with a $2,200 tariff charge
Hi Money Movers,
Today is my parents’ 38th (!) wedding anniversary, so it seemed like an appropriate time for my dad, Kenn, to publish his first column for Money Moves, a reflection on money in marriage and how they’ve made it work for almost four decades.
My dad is a college sports writer turned lawyer turned small business owner, and has read personal finance magazines as long as I can remember. I thought it’d be fun to give him occasional space to flex his writerly skills and money know-how, and advise on subjects he knows better than I do. There are quite a few more sports metaphors in this newsletter than usual.
I also talked to 31-year-old Kate about a surprise tariff bill that is making the final weeks leading up to her wedding needlessly stressful. It highlights how chaotic tariff policies are harming every day Americans, making it impossible to plan for the future, and costing us so much money.
For The Purse, I’m writing about 30-somethings and their student loans. If you have feelings about yours, would you fill out this Google Form?
In today’s issue:
1. Kenn’s Corner: Making marital finances work
2. Dealing with a surprise $2,200 tariff charge
3. On my radar
Kenn’s Corner: Financial keys to making marriage last a lifetime
On this day in 1987, I married a beautiful, compassionate, fiery, and fun-loving young woman who I basically had known for most of my 25 years on the planet. It is the best decision I have ever made (Alicia’s note: besides having kids), and taught me quite a bit about the benefits of sharing life with a wonderful partner.
The ensuing 38 years have included two daughters, moving a couple of times, a career change or three, and the usual ups and downs that make life exciting, challenging, and never boring. Of course, it’s a life that’s also included mortgage payments, credit card bills, school tuitions, medical costs, and the ordinary, everyday expenses that are a fundamental and unavoidable part of living.
One of those daughters happens to be the proprietor and publisher of this knowledgeable and appealing (yes, that’s the take of a proud father) finance and lifestyle newsletter. In connection with her Mom and Dad’s wedding anniversary and nearly four decades of our making, spending, and saving a few dollars together, Alicia asked me to share a few thoughts regarding the financial aspects of married life.
I won’t be so presumptuous as to call these “words of wisdom;” rather, what follows is a short list of a few financial practices that, over the years, helped our marriage and family to keep its proverbial head above the water.
Knowledge is power
First, commit to learning the fundamentals of how money and money products work. Frankly, our schools do a terrible job of teaching students the basics of how to save money, budget, build and protect your personal credit rating, etc. Upon graduating from high school, and even after obtaining my college degree, I knew very little about personal finance other than the advice from my Mom and Dad to save as much as possible.
In my early 20s I subscribed to a personal finance magazine for two reasons: I was curious about this mysterious world, and the magazine was offering a year-long subscription for $10. Thanks to that magazine I learned the ins-and-outs of money topics ranging from credit cards and personal budgets, to mutual funds and mortgages. The knowledge has proven to be invaluable.
The point here is that how you manage your finances throughout your life will have an indisputable impact on the quality of that life. Don’t be afraid of the unknown; although there aren’t as many personal finance magazines as when I was starting my career, there is an enormous supply of good sources—for example, this newsletter—available to you with the simple click of a mouse. Take the time and make the continuing effort to learn about how to make the best use of your dollars.
Save when you can
Next, and this probably will come as no surprise based on the discussion above, start saving a portion of your money as soon as possible, and do it on a consistent basis. How much you and your spouse save at the beginning is not as important as making saving a habit.
There’s a well-known piece of money advice—the 50/30/20 rule—that recommends allocating your funds thusly: 50% for needs, 30% for wants, and 20% for savings. It’s a solid piece of advice, and following a plan like that can lead to positive results.
But not every family can meet that breakdown every month, and having a mindset that a certain amount must be put into savings or you’ve failed can lead to no amounts being deposited into the family account. And obviously that’s not a good result for a family who wants to eventually buy a house, or pay school tuition, or embark on a fun summer vacation. Put some amount out of each check, or once a month, into savings and increase the amount if and when you can.
Work together
Third, work together and make joint decisions regarding important or consequential expenditures. Various studies have concluded that money is the #1 topic couples argue about, and money disagreements are among the top reasons for divorce.
In one sense, the solution to this problem is relatively easy: talk about significant purchases before they’re made. Being married is like being part of a team, and a team works best when everybody on it is rowing in the same direction. Talk with your spouse about buying that new flat screen TV or expensive winter coat before you push the “buy” button; take time to identify major shared savings goals together. Open communication on these types of important topics can prevent a lot of unnecessary and hurtful discord.
When we were engaged, my soon-to-be spouse and I had many conversations about how we wanted to live and where those roots should be planted. We knew we wanted to be homeowners as soon as possible, and that, because of health issues her parents were experiencing, our home needed to be relatively close to theirs. Together, we developed a plan for how we would finance the purchase and where we would live until we completed the home ownership process.
After living in an apartment for our first year of marriage, all of the pieces fell into place and we bought a house that we both loved. That was largely the result of the two of us making a plan together—and sticking to it. We both made compromises—on the exact location, number of bedrooms, etc.—to accomplish the larger goal.
At the same time, not every purchase should have to be “cleared” with your spouse. In fact, it’s important for both spouses to maintain some autonomy when it comes to spending. For example, the players on a football team all agree on what the next play is, but they each maintain some discretion in how to make that play a success. A little bit of leeway on spending decisions goes a long way towards keeping everyone happy.
“Devoting decades to collecting ‘Benjamins’ for no purpose other than wanting to amass a large pile of them is a big swing and miss in the game of life.” - Kenn Adamczyk
Finally, don’t live just to make and accumulate money; instead, collect those dollars so you and your spouse can live your best lives together. Devoting decades to collecting “Benjamins” for no purpose other than wanting to amass a large pile of them is a big swing and miss in the game of life.
With your partner, strive to find the right balance between working and saving for the necessities—the house, the tuition, retirement in the future—and doing it so that you, your spouse, and your family can enjoy the wonders of this world in the here and now. Accomplishing the latter is when you’ll know the two of you have hit it out of the park.
I’m going to use this final inch of space that my daughter has provided me to wish my marvelous wife a Happy Anniversary. It’s been a terrific 38 years; I can’t wait to see what the next four decades bring. Let’s start with dinner tonight at your favorite restaurant, and we’ll even splurge for dessert this time! - Kenn Adamczyk
She ordered her dream wedding lehenga. Then came the $2,200 tariff charge
A family friend had just popped a bottle of champagne to celebrate Kate and her fiancé’s upcoming wedding when she got the email from UPS. The wedding lehenga she ordered months prior had made it to the U.S.; relief washed over Kate, who had been worried it wouldn’t arrive from India in time for the ceremony.
But that relief quickly faded when Kate opened the email. Her package had crossed the border, yes, but she’d have to pay over $2,200 in tariff and brokerage charges if she wanted it delivered.
The unexpected bill couldn’t have come at a worst time. With their wedding just a few weeks away, Kate and her fiancé were in the middle of paying off the final deposits for all of their vendors (anyone who’s gotten married surely remembers the flurry of checks cut in the weeks leading up to the big day). And Kate was laid off earlier in the summer, meaning her finances are more strapped than ever.
“I broke down sobbing in front of this poor neighbor, because I was just overwhelmed,” she tells me. “To find out that essentially 50% more would be added on to what I had budgeted for initially, in a time when we’re down one income in our house, was just really, really scary.”
When Kate ordered the lehenga, the current 50% tariffs on all U.S. imports of Indian goods were not yet in place. It is only because the package arrived in the U.S. now that she owes them. If recent headlines are to be believed, a better trade deal might be struck soon—meaning the timing of Kate’s once-in-a-lifetime order was particularly unfortunate. Weddings are planned months in advance, but there was no planning for this.
Kate’s predicament highlights a new financial challenge many of us are facing: An onslaught of tariffs that are driving up prices and, in their ever-changing nature, are difficult to budget for. And they are coming at a time when many households are already struggling to pay rising electricity, health care, and food costs.
Plenty of people might say she should simply go without the lehenga if she can’t afford it. But Kate’s fiancé is Fijian-Indian, and it is important to her to support businesses from his culture. It’s not like she didn’t try to be prepared: She has been excitedly saving for her lehenga for many years. At $4,000, it’s an expensive garment, yes—the most expensive garment she’s ever purchased—but it’s not an unusually high price for a wedding dress.
And even if she had tried to source a lehenga from a U.S. retailer, it likely still would have been imported from India, meaning she wouldn’t be saving any money.
A particularly helpful UPS delivery driver named Kenny (“He’s the best, shoutout Kenny,” she says) has been trying to help Kate get her package over the past few weeks. She’s also been in touch with higher ups at UPS via phone and email, but they still haven’t worked out how she will get her package. It is likely her mother will front her the cost of the tariff, and she will eventually pay her back.
“My mom is a single parent. She just retired. She is by no means financially wealthy,” Kate says. “But she saw how upset I was, and I didn’t even ask. And I know I'm really lucky, because I’m sure lots of people are not going to be able to have a situation where their mom could do that.”
It’s made the final weeks of what should be one of the most exciting times of her life more stressful. Kate says she is ready for all of this to be behind her, even if it means her bank account is $2,200 lighter.
“It’s such a weird time to have a wedding, but I’m really excited to get to the part where we finally get to celebrate,” she says. “But I am also a little bit exhausted from what has felt like a marathon of unexpected curves.”
On my radar
30-something: My new column for The Purse is called “30-something” and it’s all about, well, money in your 30s. The first installment tackles the topic of seeing your fortunes and your friends’ fortunes (literally and figuratively) diverge as you get older.
Event: Lindsey Stanberry is hosting a free estate planning webinar with Steward on Thursday, September 25, at 12:00 p.m. EST. You can sign up here!
Nice things do happen: Jeff Hiller won an Emmy for his portrayal of Joel on Somebody, Somewhere, a truly lovely show. Hollywood awards aren’t the most important things happening right now but it was a wonderful surprise.
Quote: “I don’t respect the stock market at all. Once you’re public, you’ve lost control over the company, and you have to maximize profits for the shareholder. You lose all control, and then you become one of these irresponsible companies.”
Recipe: I baked a pie this weekend! The peach filling was only so so, but Melissa Clark’s pie crust recipe from New York Times Cooking was very good. Send me your fav pie recipes!
That’s it for now. Have a good weekend,
A
P.S. Thanks Christopher Skinner for the illustrations!
P.S.S. To share tips, pitch ideas, or provide reader feedback, please respond to this newsletter or email aliciaadamczyk781@gmail.com.
Loved reading your dad’s words of wisdom! 💛
Throughly enjoyed this one!