Terrible travel experiences + rediscovering my personal style

Plus: Thoughts on meeting with a dietician

Oct 07, 2023

Hi friends,

Happy fall! I’m preparing for a reset after a spend-y summer (I detailed some of that below). I’ve been to a lot of concerts lately, traveled a bit, and spent way too much on food. What else is new.

Work wise, I am contributing more frequently to the Broadsheet, Fortune’s newsletter for women business leaders. Check that out if you haven’t.

In this week’s issue:
1. Rediscovering my personal style
2. Thoughts on meeting with a dietician
3. Terrible travel experiences
4. Links

Rediscovering my personal style

Right before the pandemic hit, I was hitting my stride with my personal style. I had a lot of go-to outfits I loved, I had a growing collection of thrifted finds, and I was confident in what I liked and aspired to look like.

Fast forward to earlier this year, and none of that felt true anymore. Despite a closet full of clothes, I rarely liked what I put together. As I’ll get into below, I gained a little weight, so a lot of the clothes I spent years collecting no longer fit (that’s, honestly, been the toughest part of this process). Everything I bought felt a little off; my personal style seemed to have regressed. I hear so often about women coming into their own in their 30s, but I admittedly felt a little lost.

This might not bother some people, but, if I can be a little hyperbolic, it’s really shaken my confidence and sense of self. My childhood bedroom was covered in pages from fashion magazines; my dream job was to be the editor-in-chief of Teen Vogue. I’m not brand name obsessed (although I’d be lying if I said I wouldn’t mind owning a designer bag or two), but I do think it’s worth it to spend on quality and invest in designers you love.

All of that love, though, is often hard to square with the things I’ve internalized as a personal finance writer. I often feel caught between embracing things that appeal to me and being “smart” about money. Personal style doesn’t come down to how much you spend or always buying something new, but getting out of a consumer mindset and enjoying fashion can often seem at odds.

Now that I’m back in the office more, it’s apparent how much not liking the way I look affects how I feel about myself (I wish it weren’t so!). So I’ve been rediscovering my personal style over the past few months, and upgrading the clothes, shoes, and accessories I know I’ll use most often. Turns out when you buy clothes that actually fit the body you have, you feel a lot better!

This is difficult to do on a budget. I’ve listed some of my old clothes on Poshmark to make some money back, and I try to buy things secondhand as much as possible, but if I’m honest I’ve spent quite a bit (so much for that Low Buy year, eh?). And while “spend a lot of money” is usually what people say not to do to fix a problem…I love most of the new (or new to me) things I’ve purchased. I feel like I am slowly coming back to myself. That’s not to say that I’m going to keep buying new things at the same pace going forward, but it’s been nice to give myself permission to invest in myself.

If you’re in a similar rut, here are some resources I’ve found really helpful:

Pinterest: I love Pinterest, but hadn’t been *as* active in recent years. Over the past year or so, I’ve really gotten back into it, making boards for different seasons and wishlists. That’s helped me not only find new style inspirations, but to be able to get a view of what was appealing to me, and note the trends. That way, when I did decide to shop, I had in mind a few pieces that recurred on my Pinterest boards.
TikTok: Yes, TikTok can often lead to overspending on things we don’t need. But I found a few creators who emphasized ways to really hone in on your personal style and buy things in line with it. For that kind of inspiration, I’ve followed Pigmami, LadyDianaMay, WelcomeToHeidi, LibbyLivingColorfully, JesicaElise, SvnthEvan, and OldLoserInBrooklyn. Christina Mychas is on TikTok, and I’ve also found her YouTube videos helpful. I also like Lizzy Hadfield and Brittany Bathgate on YouTube.
Newsletters: Again, I don’t want to encourage people to just spend more money, but I’ve been loving Kim France’s newsletter as a way to discover brands I’m not familiar with (or haven’t sought out recently). France is the founding editor of Lucky Magazine, so it makes sense that she has the best suggestions. Now that I’m in my 30s, I simply don’t vibe with a lot of the styles at the retailers I used to frequent; it’s been nice to find new, more mature options. (Not that you can’t wear whatever you want at any age. But I’m, personally, never going back to low-rise jeans.)

I don’t love strict rules, but this GQ article has some interesting takeaways on dos and don'ts.

An aside: As a journalist who once aspired to be the EIC of Teen Vogue, it’s sad to realize how nonexistent of a role magazines and traditional media have played in my style quest. Say what you will about influencers and independent newsletters, but that’s where all of the interesting and informative stuff is happening (this is true outside of fashion as well), imo. I can’t remember the last time I found anything helpful or even aspirational in Vogue. It’s so, so boring.

Thoughts on meeting with a dietician

Though I like to think of myself as a fairly disciplined and self-motivated person, I’ve always struggled with consistently eating well. I can manage it for a few days (or even a few months, a la a recent foray into vegetarianism), but inevitably, I get stressed out or busy and fall back on old habits.

After years of these frustrations, I decided to finally book a consultation with a registered dietician. I picked someone who took my insurance, and whose focus is not on weight loss specifically, but rather on getting the nutrients we need with plant-based meals. I was, admittedly, nervous ahead of the first consultation. There are few things more depressing to me than thinking about all the time and energy women have spent managing their weight in order to look a certain way—to the detriment of their health and overall happiness—and that is not something I want to spend any more of my conscious time fretting over.

That said…I am a woman in America. It’s almost impossible not to be aware of what I look like pretty much all the time and how other people feel about it. I have worked hard to change my mindset to focus not on the number on the scale, but rather on consuming healthful foods and treating my body well. So I appreciated that in our first meeting, my doctor said, almost immediately, that my goal is not to lose weight, but to build healthier habits, improve my sleep, and lower my stress levels. I can get behind all that.

I’ve now met with her three times, and I’ve been finding it valuable to talk through with a professional how to change my routines and what expectations to set.

She also gave me permission to outsource some of the work of eating healthful meals. Something I struggle with is paying for pre-made meals or pre-cut fruits/veggies, bagged salads, etc.; every personal finance article you read will tell you what a waste of money all of that is (never mind what my parents would say). At this point in my life, though, I am coming to terms with the fact that it makes a lot more sense to spend a little bit more on these types of groceries—or even grocery delivery—than to just not make my own meals or eat out. We’re all juggling a lot; some shortcuts are okay.

Finally, my doctor suggested I keep a journal of my eating—but not to count calories or detail my macros. Rather, to write about what I’m eating and when, and how it makes me feel. Am I full? Could I have eaten more? The point, she said, is to build awareness of my habits so I have a clearer picture of what to change and how to do it.

As a long time journal-er, this has been an interesting experiment. It’s also reminded me of personal finance stories I’ve written that included the advice to keep a money diary. Actually, the entire conversation was very similar to conversations I’ve had about managing money and reaching other goals.

Writing all of this out, I’m realizing how much of a journey I’ve been on the past few months. It’s been invigorating in some regards, expensive in others. A few tears have been shed. I didn’t know how much life had actually changed since the start of the pandemic, and I’m still learning what I want it to be and look like.

Why traveling is so unpleasant now

Did you travel this summer? Was it also an awful experience for you? Between absurd prices, frequent delays, and multiple cancellations, I can say while I had fun on the trips I took, actually planning them out and paying for them wasn’t always the best experience (and I’m still waiting on a refund from United Airlines from multiple cancelled flights last month).

I looked into why traveling can be so unpleasant in this story for Fortune. Turns out, there are a lot of reasons! Air traffic controller shortages, fewer flights crammed full of more people, deregulation: This story has it all.

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